dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
