if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
