She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
