So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
