they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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