Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
