my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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