So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
