I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
