Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
