just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
