Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
