Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
