um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
