goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
