Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
wow bdsm is so cute
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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