Betty ford says i'm here all night
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
