I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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