Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
