i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
