It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
