ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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