Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
