I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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