Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
