Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
