K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
