He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
