Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
