After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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