I'm really into asian looking animals
I want to make a zoo with you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
