I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
