Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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