I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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