Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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