What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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