i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
