I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
