nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
