I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
