I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
