If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize