I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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