i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
