Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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