I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
