Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
