Soap is not a condiment
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
