haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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