Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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