Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
