i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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