i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I had your ass I would rule the world
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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