Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think people are normalizing furries
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
