just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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