i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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