....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
