i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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