naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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