dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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