like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
