I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
