I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
