I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
