I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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