I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
