sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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