Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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