And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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