It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
