just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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