also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
