I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize