you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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