True but thats because hes a fetus.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk