god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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