He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
