Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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