and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
