so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
